Love Lost in Translation

In modern big-city life dating, where relationships are as diverse as the skyline, we know one thing for sure: love is complicated. We spend our lives seeking it, nurturing it, and then losing it. But why do so many relationships fall apart? Often things do not end because of a lack of compatibility or enthusiasm, rather than a lack of communication.

In modern dating and friendships, where people are constantly on the move for fun and instant gratification, it's often easier to think we can replace what is broken, than try to fix it.

So when something is going wrong, we choose to avoid conflict. We avoid going the uncomfortable way of initiating the discussion. We make up our own little narratives and versions of what is happening because it feels safer than becoming vulnerable to the unknown.

Why We Choose Silence

Fear of Conflict

For many of us, conflict equals bad. With the assumption that conflict means fighting and probably rejection, we tend to avoid difficult conversations. It is through these conversations though that we not only grow personally but also build strong foundations for a lasting relationship.

The Romantics

We prefer assumptions not only because they make us feel safer and protect our egoic mind that needs to be right, but also because deep down we are romantics. We think: If that was the right partner for me they would know what I am thinking / what bothers me / what I need. This sounds a lot like a baby that cannot yet talk, so it cries instead for the mom to guess what is wrong.

Vulnerability

So, why do we choose silence over open conversation? One word: vulnerability. We're afraid to reveal our insecurities, our fears, and our desires, thinking that maybe, just maybe, silence will protect us.

But here's the catch: silence doesn't protect us; it robs us. It robs us of connection, understanding, and intimacy. It leaves us with a void that's often impossible to fill.

Most rebrand the fear of vulnerability to "pride". They say: "I am too egoistic to reach out first, or give it a try. Why should I be the first to put in the effort?"

So how do we become better communicators?

Opportunity

See the conflict for what it is: A beautiful chance for you to understand your person better. It is a chance to open up and discuss hopes and dreams, fears and regrets. Realize that every conflict is an opportunity to strengthen this connection or better decide if this person is right for you. Without this opportunity, you would not know. Will you just walk away and keep the question mark in your head?

Be vulnerable

Open up. Share what hurts - that's what's beautiful. Leonard Cohen says "There are cracks in everything - that's how the light gets in"

Use "I"

This is one of the few times where overusing "I" is key. You want to share your point of view and avoid finger-pointing. "I feel this" and "I translated your behavior as"

Questions

Ask more. Even when you think you know.

Healthy relationships thrive on open and honest communication. Assumptions and silence breed misunderstandings. Without true communication, you will end up either leaving one relationship after the other or staying in relationships that feel toxic because of all this unresolved baggage. By recognizing the importance of communication, practicing active listening, and embracing vulnerability, individuals will build more meaningful connections. At the end of the day, the quality of our lives is the quality of our relationships.